Date and Seed Balls - Crazy Delicious

As a mother trying desperately to keep additives and preservatives out of my kids diets, and to manage coeliac disease and major behavioural problems in my eldest child, not being able to use nuts at daycare (and next year, school) is tough. I can't send anything made of almond meal, or almond milk or cashew nut custards or even a peanut butter freaking sandwich. I'm not saying for a minute it should be overturned or that it's wrong to ban nuts, but it just throws another spanner in the works in the quest to trying to be healthy. I hate that little packets of junk food can be labelled as "NUT FREE" or "NO NUTS" and these are apparently healthy options to take to school (the same goes for the gluten free label, and dairy free and soy free and sugar free and fat free...). Meanwhile the E-numbers & chemicals & white sugar & artificial sweeteners are things I wouldn't feed my dog! I understand why it has been done, and that nut allergies are very severe, it's just a shame because for the majority of kids they are - like eggs & honey - nutritious little power sources of plant based proteins, fats, vitamins and minerals. Still - Namaste to the mothers & fathers of kids with nut allergies, it must be a tough trot and really scary.

Anyways, I alter quite a few recipes by using seeds instead of nuts. And one of my boys' favourites are these date & seed balls. Or bars. You can push the same mix into a tray and cut it into sticks, which my toddler (who tends to stuff the entire balls into his mouth) prefers. I've used this same recipe for birthday parties & as an alternative to cake pops. I make the balls, push them onto paddlepop sticks, and then dip them into melted raw chocolate or carob. Then top with Hoppers safe sprinkles. They are always a hit. But these are the ones I make every week. Adults love them too - I often take them to work for morning teas (and in that case, I add the nuts).

For this recipe, you'll need a high powered blender or food processor. Of course, I use my beloved Thermomix.

INGREDIENTS:

2 cups mejool dates, deseeded
1 cup mixed seeds (and nuts, if they're not for school)
I use a mix of sunflower, pepitas, hemp and chia seeds. Hemp seeds are unbelievably nutritious. Check out the benefits here.  Yes it is illegal to consume hemp seeds in Australia and New Zealand (the only two countries in the world to have such a dumb-ass law). They can be purchased at many health food shops or online. And no, they will not make your children high, nor can they be grown into marijuana.
1/2 cup cacao nibs
1/2 cup shredded coconut

Process seeds and nibs in the Thermomix on speed 8 until they form a course meal (20 seconds or so). Add coconut & process again on Speed 8 for about 5 seconds. Add dates and process Speed 9 until mix is as smooth as possible.

Roll the mix into walnut sized balls & refrigerate. Or push into a tray lined with baking paper & refrigerate, then cut into bars.

Cabbage with Fennel & Chilli - My favourite side dish for pork

As I've mentioned before, we love pork in the Primal house. But not your usual, run-of-the-mill supermarket pork. No sows were raised in stalls in the making of my dinners, thank you very much. No siree. We buy our pork (and goat and beefalo and very soon lamb) from our friends Shane & Julz from the wonderful Backfatters Farm in Ingham. Their pigs are the happiest, heritage breed free range pigs in the world. We have visited them, fed them, patted them and we LOVE eating them.

Having small kids, the go-to meal is often sausages. Pork sausages. And the Backfatters sausages contain just 3 ingredients: pork, salt and pepper. That's it. Yes, you can buy flavoured ones but for my Master 2 and Master 4 the plain ones are the best. They are DELICIOUS. Our eldest has renamed them "bacon sausages", for good reason.

I like to bake my sausages in the oven. Most of the fat drains out of them, which some people wouldn't like. I however can't escape that I work in a very sedentary job, I have limited time for exercise (I fit in two 45 minute runs a week) and enjoy being a smaller size, and too much excess fat makes me FAT. I know a lot of Paleo people would disagree with me or debate this but what can I say - I know my own body. I eat more fat than the traditional "low fat" diets but I do have to watch my consumption. So that's how I cook my snags. OF COURSE, you can BBQ yours, or cook them in cider (yum) or deep fry the fuckers for all I care.

And for my husband & I, I make this kick ass, quick side dish which never ceases to amaze me how delicious it is & how well it goes with pork.

INGREDIENTS:

1/2 a sugarloaf cabbage (or quarter of a regular cabbage, or 1/2 a small red cabbage), thinly sliced
3 cloves garlic, chopped very finely
1 birds eye chilli, chopped very finely
2 anchovies, chopped very finely
1 heaped teaspoons fennel seeds, lightly crushed in a mortar & pestle
1 heaped tsp lard (or ghee, or refined coconut oil)
Himalayan salt, to taste

Heat lard in a pan. Add fennel seeds, anchovies, chilli and garlic. Stir for a few seconds & add cabbage. Cook, stirring, until oil & flavours are combined. Turn heat down to low and allow to cook until the cabbage is soft. If it starts to dry out, add a tiny splash of water (or more fat, if you're that way inclined). Season with salt, to taste.

Paleo Eggplant Bolognaise Lasagne (with Paleo béchamel sauce)

I wish my kids were paleo, or at least grain free. Being that my 4 year old is a diagnosed Coeliac they are already gluten free but they do consume plenty of grains. I hope that I can manage to change this one day, but right now at 2 and 4 I tend to go with anything that is whole & real food & that currently includes grains and dairy. My 2 year old is still breastfeeding and I am currently trying to gently encourage weaning. So anything he will eat (as long as it's not processed or junk food) I generally let him have. It works for our family right now, & I hope that in the future I will reduce their grain intake especially.

So on Sunday nights, we have bolognaise. My boys have gluten free spaghetti, I make sure there is enough left overs for my youngest for his daycare meals for the week, & I make my husband & I this paleo (ish) low carb bake. It's sort of like Mousaka, but I don't use lamb & there is no potatoes, and my béchamel (or white sauce) is made of cauliflower (so it's dairy free).I say "ish" because sometimes I add cheese. It's not necessary but we are not strictly or obsessively paleo & we both tolerate dairy well so I'm comfortable using good quality, full fat dairy in small doses.

I do use my Thermomix to make the béchamel. Generally I try not to hype on about my Thermomix. Most people don't have one & while I ADORE mine, & wouldn't be without it, you could do this with a steamer & a food processor or stick blender.

In regards to the bolognaise sauce, I make mine using 500g grass fed beef (or in this case beefalo) mince, 1 large zucchini and 2 large carrots which I grind in the Thermomix (you could just grate them on a fine grate), I brown the mince, I add the vegetables and then I use a jar of Jensen's Organic Bolognaise pasta sauce. So sue me. I'm a very busy, working mother. If you want to, make it from scratch. I don't have time. I let the sauce simmer on the stove for at least an hour (& often 2 or 3). I then mix half with the pasta for the boys & use the rest for our Eggplant Lasagne. So here is the recipe:

Slice a large eggplant into 1/2 a centimetre slices, lengthways. Melt 1 tbs ghee or grass fed lard & brush onto both sides of the slices.

Place onto a wire rack & bake at 180 degrees Celsius for 20 minutes, turning half way through. You should be left with lovely char marks on the slices (but it doesn't matter if you don't, they'll be covered in sauce soon!).

While the eggplants are baking, break half a cauliflower into florets & steam them until soft. I steam mine in the Thermomix in the rice basket but of course a stove steamer is fine. When the florets are soft, drain water from the Thermomix bowl, put florets inside & process for about 20 seconds on speed 4. Or use a stick blender to blend it into a paste if you don't have a Thermomix. Add about half a cup of water & 6 raw cashews. Also add a tablespoon of home made Thermomix vegetable stock paste (or half a stock cube if you don't make your own vege stock paste). Process on Speed 10 for 1 minute until it is a thick smooth paste that resembles white sauce. If you don't have Thermomix or a high speed blender of any kind (eg Vitamix), use almond milk instead of water & leave out the cashews. At this point you should have a thick sauce resembling béchamel. If it's too runny, add a tablespoon of tapioca starch (you could add cornflour if you're not too strict with paleo) and cook, stirring, until it thickens & resembles the sauce. Add a grating of nutmeg, and you will be surprised at how much like authentic béchamel the sauce tastes.

Now to assemble. In a lasagne dish, lay out about half (or just under) the bolognaise sauce. It shouldn't completely cover the base, just scatter it over. Layer on one layer of eggplant, then add the rest of the bolognaise sauce, and half of your lovely béchamel. Add the rest of the eggplant, and top with the remaining béchamel. If you are strictly paleo, bake it as is.

 

 

We are not super strictly paleo, so I like to scatter some feta over the top. A couple of times, when I've had it (& felt really naughty!) I have sprinkled grated mozzarella over the top. Bake in a 180 degree Celsius oven for around 20 minutes.

 

 

This makes 2 enormous serves, but remember, it's mostly vegetables and only contains the quantity of meat which would be used for two serves of pasta, so don't feel an ounce of guilt for eating it all! 



 

 

I hope this was helpful. Enjoy!

 



The Best Roast Chicken Ever

One of our favourite recipes is roast chicken. I cook it almost every week and it goes down a treat. There are lots of complicated roast chicken recipes and it always surprises me when I see what a hoo-ha people go through to roast a bloody chook. Seriously. Butter and herbs under the breast skin, home made stuffing in the cavity, blah blah blah....

I was put off roast chicken for years by my Mum, who used to bang a chook in the oven without doing anything to it. It would come out as dry as old boots & we would have to smother it in gravy to make it palatable. I moved out of home when I was 18 & I didn't cook a roast chicken until I was nearly 23. It was my husband (then fiancé) and my first meal in our first home. And the oven didn't work properly, so it was raw & inedible. I was put off again for years, and then I tried again. I tried stuffing the skin, stuffing the cavity, rubbing it in lemon juice, shoving a Lemon or an onion up its bum, all sorts of spice rubs & herb combos. The results were always average. I knew I couldn't just bung it in the oven with nothing done to it at all but I also didn't like all the fussing about, it seemed to defeat the purpose of having a "simple" roast.

However, things have now changed. The best roast chicken recipe I have found is in Jane Kennedy's book "Fabulous Food Minus the Boombah". And she got it from US chef Thomas Kellar. It sounds weird. But it is easy, juicy & bloody tasty. I promise.
INGREDIENTS:

1 whole chicken
(preferably organic. If not, at least buy free range. If you can't get free range, buy some tofu & make a curry. Seriously - don't support the cruel industry that is supermarket factory farming. It's unethical just bullshit).

Salt (I always use Himalayan sea salt)

Pepper
METHOD:

Preheat the oven to 230*c. Yes, that hot. Pat the chicken dry with paper towel, place on a roasting rack in a roasting pan without a lid. The recipe then says to "rain salt over the bird" - seriously, it's like poetry! - so do it, about a tablespoon. Then grind fresh black pepper on as well. I also love to grate fresh nutmeg on my chicken but that's not in the original recipe.

Roast for about 40 minutes. Then take out and baste, especially over the breast. The roast for another 40 minutes.

While the chook is cooking I throw either whole small sweet potatoes rubbed with olive oil, or big wedges of pumpkin tossed in olive oil & cinnamon, into the oven. I prefer to roast the veggies onto a separate rack, they just get too fatty & greasy if you roast them with the chicken.  A couple of times I have quartered fennel bulbs and roasted them as well, which become soft and juicy and delicious. These I do tuck in around the bird. The veggies will need at least the last 40 minutes so pop them in before you take the chook out to baste it.

Organic Roast Chicken with Fennel and pumpkin

When it's all cooked I serve the chicken with the roast veg & if I haven't made the fennel I also make a green salad of cos lettuce, avocado & sometimes crumbled feta (if I have it) dressed simply with lemon juice & olive oil. Jane Kennedy suggests a blob of Dijon mustard on the side which is lovely. The salty, crispy skin of the chicken is divine, like very thin pork crackling, and the acidity of the lemon juice & Dijon mustard cuts through the fat. It's just a perfect combo, really.

Some weeks I don't do a whole chicken I just buy organic or free range drumsticks and do those. If I do this, I slash the legs twice to the bone, roast for around an hour & don't bother to baste them. You really only need to baste the whole chicken to stop the breast meat drying out.

Organic Roast Chicken Drumsticks with Sweet Potato,

Green Salad and Homemade Aioli

 Try it! Easy to cook, delicious to eat, stuff all washing up. :)

DIY Ombre Hair - Online Tutorial

** At the end of this blog there is an update after my second bleach, with an updated photograph. The technique the second time was the same for the bleach I just didn't do the roots because I had only done them a few days prior. It looks WAY better after the second go, so skip to the bottom & have a look there if you're interested first.

For a good 12 months or more I have been seriously coveting the ombre look. I have had monochrome hair for years, due to being on a tight budget & being unable to afford the ongoing maintenance of foils, streaks or lightening. Ombre or "dip dye" as they call it in the UK - dark roots and top section of hair fading into a lighter shade at the bottom -  seemed like the perfect solution, but even so when I got some quotes from hairdressers I came away despondent - there is no way I can justify $200 on my hair, even as a one-off. That is more than we spend on food for a week for our family. It seems horribly self-indulgent.

I've been monochrome dying my hair at home for years, since my teens. I've done varying shades of red, chestnut & brown. And I started to wonder, what if I could ombre my own hair? The idea seemed ridiculous at first - surely everyone would be doing it if it were that easy. But still, I knew it was the only way I'd ever get it done, so I decided to consult trusty Google and search for DIY Ombre Tutorials. And lo & behold I found HEAPS of them, YouTubes, blog videos and photographic tutorials. And then, like a little message from On High, the L'Oriel Wild Ombre home colours were released in Australia.

So I decided to give it a go. I intended to use one of the L'Oriel Wild Ombre kits for my first try, although my suspicion was that it wouldn't bleach my ends as far as I'd like them, considering my hair is naturally dark brown and on top of that I've been permanently colouring my hair dark brown for years. As it turned out, when I went to buy my kit they didn't have them, however I was fairly confident after reading & re-reading & watching & re-watching so many online tutorials so I decided to go ahead anyway.

Firstly, I dyed my roots dark brown, to cover my greys and also to add condition & shine to my hair. I use L'Oriel Sublime Mousse colour 400. Here is the packet:

 After years & years of home dying, I find the new mousse colours RIDICULOUSLY easy to use. It's so easy to get good coverage without being patchy. It's also pretty good value, around $15, and is a great colour and adds great shine & condition. I can't speak for the other colours obviously. Normally I would need two packs but as I was just doing the roots & the top section of hair one pack was more than enough. After giving my roots a good soak I tied the ends of my hair up.

 

 I then washed the dye out, towel dried my hair, & went about my day. Your hair needs to be totally dry before you apply the bleach. You could blowdry it but I didn't bother I did my housework & groceries and left my hair alone til the afternoon.

Once it was dry I applied my bleach. I didn't use the Wild Ombre's kit. I bought a $7 pack of bleach called Nordic Blonde by Schwarzkopf:

 

 I figured my hair needed some pretty heavy-duty bleaching after all the permanent dark brown dye which has accumualated in the strands over the years. Lucky I did, the result was really subtle and not even close to blonde. I mixed the bleach as directed and then squeezed it into a plastic bowl. I used a colour brush like they use at the hairdressers and started at the ends (because I wanted them lighter) and went up only to just above my shoulders (make sure you wear an old t-shirt you don't care about). I did this because I figured that this is as short as I would like my hair to be if I stuffed it up and had to get my hair chopped off. My hair is pretty long so that was about 1/3 of my hair, maybe slightly more, but not quite half. The way I did it was part my hair in half at the back and pull the two halves over each shoulder to access all the hair. This is shown in the L'Oriel Wild Ombre hair tutorial on YouTube:

 

 I left the bleach for 45 minutes, and was absolutely crapping myself!!

 

 

 

.... which is the maximum time and then washed it out carefully. I was really disappointed that I had to wash it out as it didn't appear to be anywhere near as light as I wanted it. However, as it dried the ends became lighter & it was blending in from top to bottom well. I straightened it the next morning and was thrilled with the results:

 

 It is not a perfect job, although I've had numerous people ask for the details of my hairdresser (haha!). I definitely want to re-do it and make it lighter for a more dramatic result, which I will do this weekend.  I had my husband take a photo of the back of my hair and there is a pretty obvious dark chunk that I can see right of centre in this photo.

 

 

 

 

Even so I'm stoked with the results for my first time. I love that the dark hair gradually fades into lighter and that the lightness graduates to the ends of the hair. I was really concerned I would end up with two defined blocks of colour which I didn't want. I'll definitely do it again, to achieve a lighter result in the future. I would much rather a subtle result that is working towards the dramatic result that I want than a total stuff up. In real life it is lighter than these photos.

 

 Hope you find this tutorial helpful :-)

 

 

UPDATE: Two days after I did this I re-bleached the bottom section, following the same technique. I cannot believe how much better the second attempt is! See the below photo. I'm so stoked with it. YAY!!

 

 

 



Operation: Gratitude

Reflecting during the last 24 days of sobriety has been interesting. Almost every day I have almost given in & had a drink. And every day I have decided to stick to my guns & avoid alcohol. I have done the same with sugar. Every chocolate craving, every time I have considered raiding the biscuit barrel, eating a piece of cake or dipping my spoon into the honey jar (which I used to do daily) I have resisted, blocked my sugar cravings with green tea or black coffee or some sort of delicious savoury fare. I have never regretted that decision, & any moment of bitterness over being unable to have a drink or eat a sweet treat has been quickly overcome by an overwhelming sense of pride & control. Having control over oneself and one's actions is a feeling which should not be underestimated. It is really empowering.

And in the last few days it has dawned on me that in all areas of life, while I can't control momentary feelings of anger or bitterness or crankiness or helplessness about where we are financially, and where I am career-wise, I can counteract those unhelpful, ugly feelings by choosing positive actions which make me feel better. And in doing so, I can achieve control, pride, self-mastery and empowerment. Not to mention feel a million times better and more satisfied about my circumstances.

The last couple of weeks I have been trying a different approach to my job. Instead of sailing through the day without awareness & then dwelling on unpleasantness, I am taking a moment after each pleasant occurrence to just quietly acknowledge whatever it happened to be. I work mostly with elderly customers, & yes, I do have angry and aggressive customers now and again, but for the most part, the people I deal with are delightful. So I have been fully using this to my advantage, engaging happily with these people, asking them about themselves, having a laugh. I have been assuring those customers that I am more than happy to assist, & by doing so, I hear that message too. And when my customers thank me for my service, I have stopped saying "you're welcome" - like I've done them a favour - and started saying "my pleasure". This tells me, over and over, after each customer contact I have, that my job is MY PLEASURE.

And as wanky as that might sound, it's working.

There are things I don't like about my job, there really are. I work in a very regimented environment, I am micro-managed, it is very difficult to organize a day off, recreation leave often has to be booked a year in advance, it is incredibly busy and it is highly stressful. But let me stop myself right now, let me intercept the bitterness and tell you all the wonderful things about my job, why I am truly, TRULY grateful to be there, and why I have stayed there for over seven years now.

1) My salary. I earn a great salary. For my 3 days a week I earn more than many of my friends in full time work. With my husband on a low salary, I am truly blessed that I am able to work part time & stay home with my kids 2 days a week. I am thankful for that opportunity, because if I worked anywhere else, I would be working full time.
2) My colleagues. I work with amazingly supportive, wonderful human beings whom I respect and like. (And a few wankers, but we won't talk about them....) I have made wonderful friends, and many of my associates are people that I don't have a lot in common with. They are different ages, different life stages, have different hobbies and pastimes and different values. I would never have met these people if I didn't have my job.
3) My superannuation. It has been paid at 12% for the last 7 years, even though the legal amount has been 9% until this year. As lower income earners, I feel as thought my financial future is at least partially taken care of by this.
4) The benefits. I have had two stints of paid maternity leave, where I have been off work, paid for over 9 months both times. When I returned to work I had paid lactation breaks to express breast milk - a wonderful benefit for my son at daycare. I have purchased leave & gone overseas. I can salary sacrifice a vehicle, including the cost of fuel, registration, and maintenance. And my sick leave accrues, meaning if I am careful I can make sure I have plenty there in case something bad happens (not always easy with little children).
5) The convenience. My office is 8 minute's walk from my house. It is over the road from the biggest and best shopping centre in the city. It is also diagonally opposite my husband's office, and about 10 minute's drive from my son's kindergarten and the primary school he will attend next year.
7) My office. I work in a beautiful building, with great facilities.

So there you have it. I feel positively euphoric about my job now, after writing that list and reading over it. And I'm not in denial, there are some really really shitty parts to it. But all in all I am grateful, I am lucky and I am blessed.

I cheated

I cheated. I ate a choc chip chickpea cookie. No refined sugar but still. It was a calculated decision. It was sugar or grog. So it was kind of a win. And now, to sip my tea & enjoy the fact that the State of Origin is NOT on my TV, because my husband has gone to the pub. Winning.

Half Way There...

So now, 16 days in, my challenge is becoming harder. I really expected it to be easier by now, & I'm finding empathy for addicts who return to their drug of choice well after their detox is finished. I would seriously love a beer. Or a red wine. Or a scotch. Or, y'know, some methylated spirits. 

And sugar. Man oh man. What I wouldn't do for a bigass slice of cake. Or a teaspoon full of honey. Or a goddamn banana. But I won't. 

I had a really, REALLY hard day with my boys today. Really hard. And I could have smashed a beer or 3 before dinner. And only a few weeks ago I would have been decompressing with a scotch right now. But I'm having my lemongrass and ginger tea, in my Nanna's teapot with my Grandma's tea strainer, and I feel a bit proud I must admit.

I'm wondering, though, how I will cope once August 1 rolls around. I'm blocking my sugar cravings by eating too much "other stuff" - too much cheese, too many nuts, too much coffee, too much coconut. And I still don't know how I will go about being a "moderate" consumer of alcohol, rather than a teetotaler or a drunkard. 

Triumphs and Tragedies... From the Toilet...

It's 3am & I'm waiting for antihistamine to work. I was woken up about half an hour ago with an itchy roof of mouth, watering eyes & a runny nose so bad I got up to take Claratyne. So while I wait I figure I might as well post about yesterday.

Firstly, on Friday night I was invited very spontaneously to join a couple of my girlfriends at my favourite cocktail bar for an hour or so while one waited to go to a charity fundraiser. I drove, and for the first time I can remember I sipped on a soda water while the others drank Sangria and strawberry margaritas. I was so completely impressed with myself.

Then we had to go to a kid's party yesterday morning, my friend Amanda (who looks after my youngest during the day while I'm at work) & her husband Drew's twins turned 3. There were 3 AMAZING cakes there - a chocolate cake, iced with chocolate ganache, a layer vanilla cake iced with purple buttercream & a divine gluten free chocolate & almond fudge cake. And I are none. HIGH FIVE. And it wasn't even particularly difficult to decline.

The tragedy in this was that on Friday night for dinner I hate an ENORMOUS portion of fish & chips and then at the party I at ten tonne of (salty no sugar) junk food. But all & all I think the wins outweighed the losses in their significance.

Day 10 - things are getting clearer

Today is 10th July and I've been off sugar and alcohol for 10 days. It's not even two weeks but things are becoming clearer. Which is kind of great. I felt very free when I was offered a big lump of cake for NAIDOC Celebrations today & found it very easy to decline. Like I wasn't even tempted. I didn't want it. Amazing.

In other ways, I'm finding things very... uncomfortable. And confronting. I work 3 days a week. 25 hours a week. Each day I work 7:50am to 5:20pm. My job is a really big part of my life. And I hate it. And I drink (and to a lesser degree, eat sugar) to escape how much I hate my job.

I don't work for a bit of "pocket money", or for cream on the top. I earn almost 50% of our family income. My husband is a wonderful man who works really hard in his job as well as at home. But he is unskilled and doesn't earn a great deal of money. I've been in my professional role for 7 years, since finishing my degree. For my 3 days of work I am paid higher than the average full time salary.

Even so, we live pay to pay. Some poor decisions many years ago, when we were young and childless and irresponsible, has left us with a mountain of debt. I have not had a haircut in nearly 2 years. I dye my own hair out of a box from the shop. I don't buy new clothes for myself, unless I am given gift vouchers. I frequent Op Shops (or Thrift Shops), I accept hand-me-downs from friends (for myself as well as my kids), my boys wear second hand clothes. I grocery shop through a co-op, at markets. I use the cheapest cosmetics I can find, I don't get manicures or pedicures, we don't eat out, I shave rather than wax for personal grooming, I clipper my husband's and boys hair myself and I barter favours and what not with a friend for eyebrow waxes. We have chickens and ducks for eggs and grow as much fresh produce as we can. Mick makes and sells bird traps locally for a bit of extra pocket money, he brews spirits to save the money we would spent at the bottle shop (not exactly helpful when trying to avoid alcohol!) and I make my own butter, sauces, condiments, everything.

And you know, we are ok. We are paying off the debt, we aren't racking up any more (other than recently getting solar, which will save us money in the long run), the kids are fed and have shoes on their feet, and we are mostly pretty happy. But there's that little thing, that minute detail which now, without the alcohol to wash it down, and wash it away, is becoming an enormous pink elephant in the room: I HATE MY JOB.

And as you can see by what is written above, I can't just up & leave to "follow my dreams". And I don't even know what that means, to follow my dreams. I have pushed them & squashed them and washed them down with shot after shot of home made scotch whisky that I don't even know what my dreams are. I have no idea what I'd like to be when I grow up.

And the whole thing makes me feel like pouring a big fat scotch and forgetting about it. Because there really is not a lot that I can do.

But instead, I will pour another tea, and continue my pondering and reflecting for the month. Who knows what I will come up with in the next 21 days?

Weekend Challenges

My parents are staying with us for the weekend. They live 4 hours drive away. It has been difficult to get a moment to post anything, & I am actually doing this on my iPhone. Last night was a HUGE test for my resolve. I love to have a few wines with my parents, & they showed up with the obligatory bottles of red & white. Sigh. But no I did not partake. I made myself a big pot of lemongrass and ginger tea & while the others sipped on their delicious merlot I drank my tea. Which was surprisingly good (it was T2 so of course it was fabulous) & I didn't feel like I was missing out. Not only that but my Mr Two is sick at the moment so it was nice to wake up this morning after a number of disturbances during the night (he has revered to breastfeeding with the frequency of a newborn) & not feel like I'd been run over by a tractor.

In fact I practically leapt out of bed at 6:30am when I caught my boys on an expedition down stairs to wake up Grandma & Grandpa & made a round of hot chocolates (& tea for me), telling them they could go down stairs when "the big hand reaches the 12." Now I have gluten free breadrolls rising as we are going to the wildlife park today to see the kangaroos and crocodiles. Should be fun. And I am doing it without a hangover.

Regarding my sugar detox... Well... There is no nice way to say it, my body is - ahem - "cleaning out". I'll leave it at that, I'm sure you get the picture!!

It's About Rebellion.

So today was my first day back at work since I began my detox. I'm usually pretty organised with my food on work days, and it's normally very healthy. I rarely buy my lunch and I am always armed with healthy snacks & meals for the day. However, I would previously eat 2 or more pieces of fruit during the day, plus a flavoured yoghurt. And often, in the afternoon, I would eat a small packet of low fat chocolate chip biscuits. These are nutritionally bereft little buggers, full of sugar, and made of wheat, so the gluten always wreaks havoc on my guts. Even so, I couldn't resist, & would munch through one of these packets every day. And of course, my day would be dotted with sweet coffee & tea. Learning what I have learned recently about fructose, and deciding to detox from all sugars & sweet flavours, I was determined today would be different.

So today I kept a record, not only of what I ate but of how I was feeling, what I was craving and WHEN I was craving. And it went something like this:

6am - Hot milky tea with 1 teaspoon of xylitol while getting ready for work.

7:45am - BREAKFAST. Quinoa and amaranth porridge with rice milk and coconut oil, topped with Coco-Nutty Granola, (unsweetened) and a black coffee. See my beautiful pic? Yum. It is surprisingly sweet for something with no sugar or sugar substitutes in it.

10am - MORNING TEA. Nothing, not hungry (thanks, Epic Porridge!)

10:15am - came back from morning tea, realised how long I have to go til lunch. Misery! Wanted to go & raid the team biscuit barrel. Instead made a green tea. Visited the bathroom. Wanted to write a whinging Facebook status complaining about work. Instead checked Instagram, discovered I had a new follower, which made me feel good.

12:20pm - LUNCH. Left over red lentil dahl, zucchini & a birds eye chilli. The hot chilli really kicked any sweet cravings in the guts for a while.

1:20pm - Came back from lunch. Realised how long I have to go til work finishes. Feeling depressed, I had an overwhelming desire to get a chocolate bar. Wish I could check in with my girlfriends on Facebook. Made a black coffee instead.

3pm - AFTERNOON TEA. Brown rice crackers, cheese, stuffed olives. Super salty and delicious. Sugar cravings gone for now.

4pm - Miso soup. YES. I love the little bits of seaweed floating in it. Takes me straight back to being 16 years old in Japan. Even so, I wished it was hot chocolate to get me through the afternoon. Gazed longingly at the fundraising Freddo Frogs whilst making miso. Didn't eat them.

6:15pm - DINNER. Pork & fennel sausages and cabbage cooked in butter with fennel seeds & salt. Yum.

7pm - Sweet craving. Have a few spoonfuls of delicious Mungali Creek natural unsweetened yoghurt, straight from the pot. Yum.

8:12pm - watching Masterchef, sipping a soda water, wishing it was scotch. It was a rough day at work, I'd love to relax into a nice warming nip of warming whisky. But I won't.

So today I saw a few patterns. Whenever I felt bored, or disappointed, or frustrated, or annoyed, I wanted to either eat sugar or check Facebook. I wanted to escape. When I felt miserable about the reality of what I do for work (which I LOATHE), I wanted to get on Facebook, to essentially be "hanging out" with my friends in the only way I am able to on work days. And when I felt the day stretching out in front of me, hours of torturous boredom, I wanted to bring myself a brief moment of luscious, sweet pleasure. I think partially it is also about control. I have little say about work, and the type of work I do affords for very little autonomy or innovative thinking. There's not much I can do about that but FUCK YOU work, I can eat a chocolate & enjoy THAT. In the past I have found myself slyly checking Facebook on my phone when I'm meant to be working. Childish! Yet it says something for how I was using Facebook, and sugar, and what those things were "giving me". Alcohol is the same. I come home from another day in my shitty office doing my shitty, shitty job with shitty people and shitty customers, but fuck it I can sit down and get pissed.

I've always had a rebellious streak. As a teenager, I wore makeup to my Private "no makeup" school. And not natural make up. Green eyeliner (hey, it was the 90s, ok?!). I rolled up my school uniform skirt til it was about the allowable knee length. I wore men's silk boxer shorts under my skirt. I used men's Lynx deodorant. I owned cherry red Doc Martens with rainbow laces. I smoked cigarettes behind the school sports shed. I listened to heavy metal and grunge (Kurt Cobain - *swoon*). I thought I had grown out of my rebellious days. Hmmm. Maybe not.

Interesting.

Slow Cooked Pork Recipe. And a bit about Facebook.

So this month, not only am I detoxing from alcohol and sugar, but I am also detoxing from Facebook. Yep, no Facebook for a month. My husband keeps giving me a hard time that I am still using Instagram and Pintrest and asks me "What's the difference?" Well the difference is that really, they're just picture sites. Facebook, as I am sure many would attest to, is a "Time Vampire". It eats your time. You log on for a quick brows and the next thing you know 4 hours have passed. Or like me, you flick through on your iPhone. But you do this every few minutes. And a recipe pops up, and someone posts an article about food toxins which you read because it's just SO URGENT that you learn that information RIGHT NOW before it is lost somewhere on your newsfeed. And then someone makes an OUTRAGEOUS statement on a parenting page, & you just HAVE to be the 34,892nd person to have their say and make a difference. I mean, it is SO IMPORTANT.

Get the picture?

My consumption of Facebook was another "substance" I am totally incapable of moderating my use of. I have come up with various hair-brained schemes over the last few years to try to cut down on usage; only checking at lunch and after the kids go to bed, only checking when the kids are napping, only checking on work days in my breaks, only checking on weekends, deleting the app off my phone (I just browsed using Safari). It doesn't work. I don't want to stop using Facebook completely but I don't know how to moderate it. I am trying to work out now what alcohol, sugar and Facebook have in common. What do I get from these things that cause me to overuse them? And how do I break the habit?

I can't believe how slow life is when you're not living it online. I can't believe how much I can get done in a day. Today was a day at home with the kids. Ordinarily, if I'm totally honest, that would mean a day mostly spent on Facebook. But today? Today I managed to clean my entire downstairs lounge room, I deep-cleaned my kitchen (including doing 3 dishwasher loads of dishes which I collected up from various areas of the house, God bless my children), cleaned the dining area, scrubbed the toilet, took two huge boxes of things to goodwill, & gave away four old dining chairs on Gumtree. And we sat down to a delicious meal of Slow Cooked Pork Hocks with Fennel and Cabbage.

Whenever I cook with pork (and I do so a lot... mmm, bacon...) I do my best to use the amazing meat produced by our friends Shane and Jules at Backfatters. They breed free range, rare heritage breeds of pigs, and treat their animals with the highest respect. Not to mention their farm is about an hour up the road from us, bringing a whole new meaning to "eating local". And, their double smoked maple cured bacon is a finalist in the ABC delicious. 2013 Produce Awards.

Slow Cooked Pork Hocks with Fennel and Cabbage

INGREDIENTS

Four pork hocks, the best quality you can afford.
1/2 sugarloaf cabbage, shredded
1/2 big fat fennel bulb, shredded
2 big carrots, roughly chopped
1 sweet potato, roughly sliced
2 cloves garlic, sliced
3 cups chicken or vegetable stock (preferably home made)
1/4 cup apple cider vinegar
2 tsp fennel seeds
Good grinding of black pepper
2 bay leaves

METHOD

Pre-heat oven to 180 degrees C. Put all the ingredients except for the hocks into a large pot. Add the hocks, nestling them in & making sure they're mostly under stock. Spoon a few big spoonfuls of the stock over the bits of the meat poking out, just to moisten them. Bring to the boil on the stove top, then place into the oven. Cook in the oven for about 6 hours, or until the meat is falling off the bone.

Take the meat out & shred, carefully removing the fatty skin & bone. Serve meat with vegetables and stock. Include a piece of hot buttered toast, if desired, to mop up the delicious juices (we used gluten free brown bread).

Day 1 – Dry July and I Quit Sugar

I am yet to decide if it was a stroke of brilliance or a moment of insanity when I decided to do Dry July and get serious about quitting my sugar habit all at once. Whichever it was I find myself here at 8:22pm on 1^st July 2013 sipping on tea instead of my usual scotch straight up. I’d probably be on my second by now. The second of what has become far too many drinks. Every day. No, no I’m not an alcoholic. I function in a professional job & parent my two children very responsibly all day without a drink. But come night time I like to put my feet up & have a drink, like many people. And at this point in time I’m finding I am just drinking too much. I have tried deciding to only have 1 or 2 drinks but this doesn’t work. 1 or 2 lowers your resolve and you think “Well I’ve had 1, I might as well have another....” until you realise that you’re on your 5th or 6^th scotch. I am a small female, & can easily trot off to bed after 6 drinks feeling very little affect from the alcohol. I wake without a hangover. And you know, it’s not ok. Gone are the days when having what we call in Australia “piss fitness” (alcohol tolerance) is a desirable character trait. Yet I can still drink many men under the table. And while this has served as a source of pride for many years, it really shouldn’t be. My poor liver!

Nutritionally I am a health nut. I eat mostly organic, I cook almost everything from scratch (including condiments & stock) & I don’t use packets. I believe in whole foods, full fat dairy, coconut products, nuts, seeds, veggies, fruit and meat. Thanks to my 4 year old celiac son we eat gluten free, & my IBS symptoms which plagued my 20s have almost disappeared. I eat healthy gluten free grains like amaranth, quinoa & buckwheat. But even so, my cravings are out of control. And once I get started, I can’t stop. Last week I ate a brie. Like, a whole brie. And it’s not the first time I’ve done that. I have “accidentally” eaten a raw cheesecake across the course of a day. Once I start I’m like a demon possessed. And that’s not cool.

See a parallel between those two paragraphs? I control everything I eat and drink. Until I don’t. And then I am totally out of control, with no willpower. And it has to stop.

For the longest time, the health industry has focussed on low fat and low sugar foods. And in the creation of these foods, artificial additives, colours, flavours, preservatives & sweeteners have taken centre stage in the modern “healthy” diet. And that is not how I roll. I could never reconcile being healthy with drinking a diet coke, eating microwaved frozen meals or spreading low fat sugary goo full of unidentifiable ingredients & labelled “mayonnaise” on my sandwich. So I really struggle to find a “fit” when I have been looking for a framework to help “tweak” my diet. And I also can’t work out exactly WHY I get cravings & am out of control.

And then, only very recently, I have found a book called “I Quit Sugar” by Sarah Wilson. And as I read Sarah’s description of her former self, her eating habits and her cravings, it was like looking in a mirror. I could have written it myself. And Lo and behold, in the pages I found gorgeous, whole, healthy recipes, full of REAL ingredients, most of which I had in my cupboard. And it is backed up by science, science that makes sense and science that I can respect. So for the last 2 weeks I’ve been playing around a bit with cutting out most sugars. And today I started for real.

This weekend I have made tomato ketchup (for my boys mostly, but after checking the quantity of sugar in the commercial stuff it is well worth it), coconut butter & coco-nutty granola in preparation for the week ahead. The one thing I’m not doing is giving up the 1 teaspoon of xylitol (not sugar) I have in my tea. I cannot – CANNOT – give up alcohol, sugar AND tea (because I can’t stand tea without it). But all other sugars and sweet flavours (yes, even fruit – a struggle for this “fruit bat”) are GONE.

My hope is that by keeping a blog about this, by posting recipes & pictures of what I’m eating as well as writing about what I’m doing & how I’m feeling, I can reflect and learn WHY I crave these things, WHY I struggle at one drink (and one piece of cheese). And hopefully, after 31 days, I will be able to have a glass of wine of an evening (without having to drink the whole bottle).