Reflecting during the last 24 days of sobriety has been interesting. Almost every day I have almost given in & had a drink. And every day I have decided to stick to my guns & avoid alcohol. I have done the same with sugar. Every chocolate craving, every time I have considered raiding the biscuit barrel, eating a piece of cake or dipping my spoon into the honey jar (which I used to do daily) I have resisted, blocked my sugar cravings with green tea or black coffee or some sort of delicious savoury fare. I have never regretted that decision, & any moment of bitterness over being unable to have a drink or eat a sweet treat has been quickly overcome by an overwhelming sense of pride & control. Having control over oneself and one's actions is a feeling which should not be underestimated. It is really empowering.
And in the last few days it has dawned on me that in all areas of life, while I can't control momentary feelings of anger or bitterness or crankiness or helplessness about where we are financially, and where I am career-wise, I can counteract those unhelpful, ugly feelings by choosing positive actions which make me feel better. And in doing so, I can achieve control, pride, self-mastery and empowerment. Not to mention feel a million times better and more satisfied about my circumstances.
The last couple of weeks I have been trying a different approach to my job. Instead of sailing through the day without awareness & then dwelling on unpleasantness, I am taking a moment after each pleasant occurrence to just quietly acknowledge whatever it happened to be. I work mostly with elderly customers, & yes, I do have angry and aggressive customers now and again, but for the most part, the people I deal with are delightful. So I have been fully using this to my advantage, engaging happily with these people, asking them about themselves, having a laugh. I have been assuring those customers that I am more than happy to assist, & by doing so, I hear that message too. And when my customers thank me for my service, I have stopped saying "you're welcome" - like I've done them a favour - and started saying "my pleasure". This tells me, over and over, after each customer contact I have, that my job is MY PLEASURE.
And as wanky as that might sound, it's working.
There are things I don't like about my job, there really are. I work in a very regimented environment, I am micro-managed, it is very difficult to organize a day off, recreation leave often has to be booked a year in advance, it is incredibly busy and it is highly stressful. But let me stop myself right now, let me intercept the bitterness and tell you all the wonderful things about my job, why I am truly, TRULY grateful to be there, and why I have stayed there for over seven years now.
1) My salary. I earn a great salary. For my 3 days a week I earn more than many of my friends in full time work. With my husband on a low salary, I am truly blessed that I am able to work part time & stay home with my kids 2 days a week. I am thankful for that opportunity, because if I worked anywhere else, I would be working full time.
2) My colleagues. I work with amazingly supportive, wonderful human beings whom I respect and like. (And a few wankers, but we won't talk about them....) I have made wonderful friends, and many of my associates are people that I don't have a lot in common with. They are different ages, different life stages, have different hobbies and pastimes and different values. I would never have met these people if I didn't have my job.
3) My superannuation. It has been paid at 12% for the last 7 years, even though the legal amount has been 9% until this year. As lower income earners, I feel as thought my financial future is at least partially taken care of by this.
4) The benefits. I have had two stints of paid maternity leave, where I have been off work, paid for over 9 months both times. When I returned to work I had paid lactation breaks to express breast milk - a wonderful benefit for my son at daycare. I have purchased leave & gone overseas. I can salary sacrifice a vehicle, including the cost of fuel, registration, and maintenance. And my sick leave accrues, meaning if I am careful I can make sure I have plenty there in case something bad happens (not always easy with little children).
5) The convenience. My office is 8 minute's walk from my house. It is over the road from the biggest and best shopping centre in the city. It is also diagonally opposite my husband's office, and about 10 minute's drive from my son's kindergarten and the primary school he will attend next year.
7) My office. I work in a beautiful building, with great facilities.
So there you have it. I feel positively euphoric about my job now, after writing that list and reading over it. And I'm not in denial, there are some really really shitty parts to it. But all in all I am grateful, I am lucky and I am blessed.
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